Control Freak

No, I'm not really a control freak.  Although I did used to have a cute little keyring with the saying "I Quit Trying to Be Perfect Because When I Was Perfect I Wasn't Getting Enough Attention".  It caused many cashiers to chuckle when I handed them my keys to scan my store rewards cards.

But, alas, it was true.  I struggle with being in control.  I like things to be planned out.  Far, far in advance.  I am not what you would call a spontaneous person.

I also struggle with perfectionism, but that's a whole other story....

I title this "Control Freak" because I was inspired to write in response to my friend Donnamo's new post "I Work Hard For My Money".  She has been focusing on issues of control and learning to let go of it and let God be the one who is in charge of everything, including our money.  I love how open Donna is to sharing her heart and her life experiences---the good, the bad, and the ugly.  She is a true Titus 2 woman.

Anyhow, her post made me think of my own attitudes and opinions about money.  So, here goes:

Both my parents taught me the value of a dollar at an early age.  The lessons I learned stuck with me, even if they may have forgotten them.  (Though I have reminded them and thanked them in my adult years).

My mama and daddy both grew up very poor, my father more so than my mother.  At least my mother's father had a college degree and a steady job as a school teacher.  Daddy's father was never the same after he returned from World War II and never held a steady job; it was left up to my Grandma to be the breadwinner in the family.  Both my parents grew up in homes without running water.  You know what that means.  Yes, the outhouse.

We were in my mom's hometown last week and she showed me the jewelry store she worked at during the summer when she was 18-years-old.  I was astounded when she told me she worked 8-hours a day, six days a week and got paid a whopping $25 a week.  Every work day she went to the five-and-dime store on the corner and had a lunch of vegetable soup, corn bread, and a glass of water for 25-cents.

Anyway, I can tell my parents' story some other time.  Let's just say that they have always joked about their dislike for Showboat pork and beans because they ate so much of it early in their marriage.  But after the Marine Corps, Daddy worked and then went to college and became a successful "captain of industry and able executive", so says a tongue-in-cheek sign that I think used to hang in his office.  It was funny when my brother played baseball (and he played a LOT of baseball) and Daddy would come to the ball field after work in his suit and tie.  Other kids always asked us if we were rich.  Uh, no, those are his work clothes.  He works in an office.  For my part, I didn't understand friends with dads who had to sleep during the day because they worked shifts.

Mama was able to stay home with my older brother and me.  She didn't get another job since before my brother was born until I was 20 years old.  I saw value in her being a stay-at-home mom, and as I grew older I understood sacrifices that she made to be able to do so.  She did things like using cloth diapers for both her babies, to save money.  She claims Pampers existed back then but people only used them when traveling.  I'm sure plenty of people used them all the time, it's just that she didn't.  She didn't buy jewelry or much clothing for herself until her kids were grown.

My parents are not interested in material things.  Their house is nice and comfortable but it is not something out of a decorating magazine.  They have  had the same green velvet furniture, so named in this blog's title, in their living room that they bought when I was six months old.  Did I mention I will be 41 next month?  But they spend their money on memories and vacations and gifts for their children and grandchildren.  And making necessary repairs and remodels to their house.  AND buying new furniture for other rooms of the house (don't get me wrong....they are not cheap)

I am like my mom and I could not be more proud.  We both could not care less about the latest in shoes and pocketbooks and clothing and STUFF.  She learned it from her mother who was known to say, "You can only wear one outfit at a time."  This is how my mom and I go "Black Friday Shopping"----After dinner on Thanksgiving day we settle down in two recliners and go through all the store ads and talk about either good or ridiculous deals.  Then we are done and we have a ball doing it!

Gosh, this is long but---TA-DA!---this is how my parents taught me about money:

When I started first grade Daddy started giving me an allowance of 25-cents a week.  He explained to me that if I saved my allowance for a month I could turn in those 4 quarters for a whole dollar!  I was thrilled to accumulate my dollars.

One day when I was about 7yo, my friend Karen came to the door.  She had been to the beach and had made necklaces from seashells and she was selling them (say that 3 times real fast!).  I wanted a necklace with a small, beautiful, pinkish conch shell on it, but my mother said I could not spend my money on it because, at 25-cents, it was too expensive.  I had to buy a less pretty 5-cent necklace.  This must have been before I started getting an allowance, because I was a little confused about what my coins looked like and I ended up giving Karen a quarter instead of nickel for the necklace (I like to think that Karen was confused by coins, as well.  I will have to call her up and ask her.)  When I told Mama about my mistake, she didn't get angry or yell but she said in a very serious voice, "Caroline, a quarter is A LOT of money."

So, again in that first grade year, I attended my first book fair at school.  We were allowed to browse through the book selection on the first day so we could go home and tell our parents how much money we needed.  Well, I fell in love with the pink pop-up Thumbelina book that I wrote about here.  I had some of them dollars saved from my allowance and I was ready to make my very first book purchase of my own.  Of course, I asked permission first.  Once again, Mama emphasized to me that $3 was a lot of money, but she said it was OK to spend my precious savings on it.

After I was first married, I saw a TV show with the financial guru Suze Orman on it.  She said that she always asked people to remember their first experiences with money.  She said her first experience was when her family's restaurant caught on fire and her dad risked his life to go in and remove the cash register.  This gave her the idea that money was more important than life.  Which, of course, it is not.  But it made me reflect on my first money experiences and be grateful for them.

When I was a teenager and making pretty good money babysitting, I enjoyed doing things like purchasing my own shampoo and socks and miscellaneous items.  And when Mama and I were shopping at The Limited (THE store in the 80's),  if I wanted a dress or a pair of jeans that she wasn't willing to buy, she would loan me the money.  I would make payments on the clothes, leaving the money on my parents' dresser with a note stating the amount and what it was for and how much I had remaining to pay on the garment.

In 18 years of marriage, during which I have "stayed-at-home" both as a wife and mom, for all but one year, my husband and I have certainly had our money struggles. And we certainly have made mistakes.  But we learned early on to sacrifice for the things that were important.  Before we had a child, it was important that I get out of an extremely stressful working environment.  And we found that our household runs more smoothly when I am at home to take care of things.  After we had our child, of course, I wanted to be home with him...and I'm still here almost 14 years later!  Even when he's in school all day!  (Yes, I get that question, "What do you DO all day?" quite often)  Well, we've found that our family still runs more smoothly when I am at home and that it is better for my health to be home.

We've sacrificed.  We've done without dates, vacations, new clothes, cable TV, giving gifts to each other etc.  I neglected my hair (my favorite thing about my physical body!) for years.  We didn't buy our first brand new car until five years ago and we've only had cable TV for about 5 years of our entire marriage.  We didn't buy new furniture for 16 years. I used to only allow myself to buy ONE book a YEAR and I would agonize for hours in the bookstore about which one to get.  Well, I definitely don't neglect my hair anymore and now I buy any book I want, but I've found that I don't want so many and I never pay full price.

So, yes, as Donnamo also pondered about herself, I am a control freak about money.  But when I start to get too freaked out I remind myself about how God has always, always taken care of us, even at our very poorest and even when we had not been faithful to Him.  He's never let us down and He's not going to let us down now or ever!

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there might be food in my house.  Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." ~ Malachi 3:10